I had a wonderful day. And I want to tell you all about it. Slept great, no bad dreams or anything. When I woke up, I did the dishes, and a few other things to tidy up the kitchen. Spent about two hours doing that. Then, I hopped on the Xbox to play Reach. Probably did that for an hour, maybe a little over. Then I cam’d with Toko. It’s the second time we’ve done so. And of course that was fun. You know how I adore him. He makes me smile and giggle, a lot. He just kind of makes me happy. Not the kind of happy you make me, but only you can do that. After that I took Jack out for a walk. I had a great fucking time. I love the outdoors, you know this. It’s Fall, my favorite season. It was beautiful outside. B-e-a-utiful. Went down to Hell’s Pass, not that you’d know where that is. But, it’s one of my favorite places. Bubba used to take me there, all the time. And for the first time since I’ve been back, I was happy to be there. Every other time has made me sad. Made me miss him. Not this time, this time there was only joy. Good memories, happy memories. Since the walk was going to great I decided I’d continue. I found this beautiful place not too far from Hell’s Pass. Didn’t get to see as much of it as I wanted to, but I plan to go back. I was there for at least three hours. But, I still didn’t feel like going home. And Jack was having a great time, as well. So, we went down to one of the local parks. I -of course- had to swing for a good while. A lot of my friends were at the park. Jack was loving the attention, and I was happy to meet up with old friends. Finally came home, hours later. I mean, I wasted most of my day walking the dog, exploring the area, etc. It was late evening when I came home. I came home just in time, too. Dad was BBQ’ing. And lord knows, I love me some BBQ. And, on top of that a bunch of our friends were at the house for the BBQ. Mike, who I haven’t seen in a while, and a few others. But, most importantly; Chris was there. Well, he’s kind of one of my favorite people. We had such a great time together that I ended up going home with him. Spent the night at his house. Had a fucking blast. We laughed our asses off, did stupid crazy shit, watched South Park, snuggled, and so much more. It was great. So great. I was sad when I had to head home. But, I came anyway. And even still, I’m in a good mood.
But. Everything that happened made me realize something. Something I’ve known all along, but was finally forced to accept. We will never work. We just won’t. I can’t explain it to you. You will never understand why I have to leave you. But, I do. And it’s not because I don’t care about you. In fact, it’s because I do care about you that I’m doing this. And I am doing this. This time I’m not asking. I’m just doing. As I said, I know you don’t understand. And that’s fine. I know you think we belong together, but we don’t. I know it in my heart, I feel it in my bones. So, I’m asking you to let me go. If you truly love me, just let me go. And with every word I’m saying, I am breaking my own heart. But understand, that it’s hurts even more to just let this go on. It will hurt us both. I don’t think either of us deserve the pain it will bring. So, please. Just let me go.
"I don’t know where we’re going. I don’t know who we are. But, I can feel your heartbeat."
- Heartbeat, Enrique Iglesias.